I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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