I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
