the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
