i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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