went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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