Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
