i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
