Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
