A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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