I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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