I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
