You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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