i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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