No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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