We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
