He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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