im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
