He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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