if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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