someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
