Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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