I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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