I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
