Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
