It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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