Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
