why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
