I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
