i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Randomize
