so that wasnt chicken after all
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
