Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The uberlube is also flammable
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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