does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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