They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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