so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
