If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize