She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
