You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
