McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
