How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
