i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
