The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
