Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
