i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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