R you on birth control?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy