Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.