Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?