I wanna bring you to show and tell
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
