I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me