how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
