): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize