i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
this just has baby written all over it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
