found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm at about main and main street
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
