i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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