hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
