So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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