as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
