I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
