She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
