dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
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Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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