I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
