Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
