ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
