I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
