wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
