It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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