Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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