My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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