So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
