I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize