Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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