Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
