Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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