I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
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dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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