i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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