maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
