his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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