remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
