Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
