but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
