I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
pray to the hookup gods
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
