just come out here and I will go home with you...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
